Background/Diagnosis:

It was the most important conference of the year, and I could barely walk. With a slow limping gait, there is no hiding it in the midst of nearly 16,000 attendees at the world’s largest gathering of rheumatologic experts. How embarrassing, I thought. I’m supposed to be the doctor here, not the patient. Little did I know how much this new eruption of arthritis would define my coming months.

At the same conference, a colleague is making excuses to others for her need to stop and catch her breath so frequently while walking between talks. She’s become skilled at hiding that she’s in the midst of a flare of hemolytic anemia secondary to systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE).

We are just two of a subset of rheumatology providers living with rheumatologic conditions. This adds a layer of complexity in caring for patients, interacting with colleagues, and providing self-care. Of the 6,400 rheumatology providers identified in the 2015 ACR Workforce report, 1 in 12 women and 1 in 20 men will develop an inflammatory autoimmune rheumatic disease in their lifetime.

As rheumatologists with rheumatic illnesses, life is an uninvited in-depth study on empathy and the reality of living with the illnesses we treat every day. Through failed and escalating treatments, we struggle not only with our daily function and disease, but also with loss of identity, temptation to self-treat, and the fear of loss of privacy and academic reputation. This can lead to feelings of isolation, and of being neither fully patient nor physician. Studies have documented that physicians are hesitant to approach colleagues for treatment of chronic illnesses and struggle to adapt to the patient role compromising their own well-being.

Treatment:

My colleague with SLE connected me with other physicians with rheumatic disease through a private Facebook group. In this unique group, our role as providers does not limit our vulnerability to disease. It is a safe space to share worries, frustrations, and occasionally humorous perspectives on having these fickle, chronic diseases.

Maintenance:

With support and the opportunity to share, we became less concerned with a loss of identity as physicians. Apprehension about symptoms or medications did not a represent a deficiency in our knowledge, but the human experience of living in a changing and problematic body. We experienced as much diversity in our group with acceptance, anger, denial, and coping as when giving a new diagnosis to our own patients. Hearing the experiences of other physicians struggling with rheumatic illness is validating. Gaining the patient role in no way diminishes the ability to be excellent rheumatologists, and being a doctor does not make us less human.

Quality of Life:

While autoimmune diseases are unpredictable, we have comfort in knowing that no matter what our illnesses and professional demands require, we have supportive and encouraging peers. Being a part of a group of women who are striving daily to be empowered patient physicians helps to alleviate stress and worries about the future, while also providing confidence in our ability to be successful rheumatologists, despite the struggles we face as patients.

« Back to 2018 ACR/ARHP Annual Meeting

ACR Meeting Abstracts - https://acrabstracts.org/abstract/physician-patient-person-success-in-balancing-multiple-roles-takes-support/